It’s not the win that matters… communication!

It’s not the win that matters…

I did a bit of a check on our relationship (Steve and I) and the score card showed good in some areas … and room for improvement in others!

This thought came about this morning when both Steve and I both had a good laugh about our tendencies to forget some simple things… names, dates, conversations, events (occasionally)…

It was great we were laughing because in all honesty…  we don’t always!

Many a time we find ourselves trying to prove who did say, who didn’t, when, how and all the rest in between…

I’m coming to see that being right or winning is not as good as it makes out to be!

You see…  to prove Steve’s memory fade… does nothing for how he feels about himself and vice versa applies to me…

So today was a good step towards letting go of the ‘foe pars’ (‘mistakes!’)… and being nicer and more understanding with each other.

In that moment – without the frustrations that result from our usual banter… I actually avoided the TENSION and STRESS that normally creeps in during the battle…

So the score card in this area tells us both… this is something to practise…

My personal tips to myself that you may also find helpful…

No. 1…  Improve communication in the first place – you know what they say ‘prevention is better than cure’…

Use written reminders such as a black board or wall calendar…  (I love how my daughter has a wall painted black board in full view)

Use ‘chatter’ talk updates around day to day things… (A 15 minute ‘how was your day and anything for me to know?’ helps)

And use eye contact and acknowledgement that we’ve heard and understood what’s being said…  (Really looking at each other when we talk is so much better than calling out from the corridor – I’ve learnt works better for us!)

No. 2…  Be ready when those forgetful events do occur and you’re being hard on yourself because of it… Some suggestions I make use of include;

Give the moment a fun name…  Mine is… A ‘Silvy’ moment (Stemmed from a funny story related to my grandmother)

Give the moment you are frustrated with a higher more worldly perspective… One of mine is… “Tricia… the world won’t fall apart because of it!”

Do the moment differently… as we did this morning… forced a gear change and headed into other territory – and that was to LAUGH!

So if you have any communication challenges – due to – well due to anything… chemo brain, menopause, general forgetfulness, fatigue

Perhaps one of these may be helpful?

Love to hear about your own…

Love Tricia

(and Steve for his part in this)

 

 

 

2018-01-24T21:25:31+00:00